As we all know confidence or self-esteem is an important aspect in a person’s life. It contributes to his mental and physical health etc. Self-esteem as Rosenberg says is a person’s overall evaluation of him/herself. This evaluation maybe positive or negative.[i]
There are two types of self-esteem:
Trait self-esteem - trait self-esteem refers to overall sense of sense of self-worth another way to put it is global. It refers to self-esteem as a trait, relatively enduring and stable- how they feel about their entire selves (global). For example: Overall, I feel good about myself [ii][iii].
State self- esteem refers to evaluation of self-worth in specific qualities that are transitory and situationally specific. So, there may be fluctuations in self-esteem in response to the situations of those specific qualities. For example: A person’s self-esteem may drop after a bad job review or low exam performance, failed business or divorce etc.[ii][iii].
Although it is important to understand whether the person views him in a negative or positive light, the stability of this self-evaluation is an important aspect as well. It is not only important that a person has high self-esteem it is also important that the high self-esteem is stable. Here I will turn your attention to contingent self-esteem. As defined by William James in 1890, who first proposed the concept of contingent self-esteem:
“state self-esteem fluctuates around a person’s typical or trait-level self-esteem in response to positive or negative events in domains on which self-worth has been staked.”[i]
Simply put fluctuations in self-esteem of a person influenced by specific positive and negative situations or events on which the person has based his/her self-esteem on, which has an impact on his global self-esteem as well.
Although the person has a positive global sense of self-worth, but situational low self-esteem in a specific quality a person gives importance to, can affect his entire self-worth as well.
The catch here is, the weightage given by the person to the specific quality. For example, if excelling at cooking is a quality, one gives weightage to and they don’t seem to cook well; it will give rise to a fluctuation in their self-esteem and vice versa.
True Self-Esteem
The other side of continent self-esteem is true high self-esteem or non-contingent high self-esteem first given by Kernis (2003). This high self-esteem is stable and is not influenced by the success and failure outcomes in qualities or situations that a person’s self-esteem is staked in. This kind of self-esteem develops when one’s actions are intrinsically motivated and congruent with one’s internal state rather than externally demanded. So, if I want to achieve and this achievement motivation comes from the person’s internal desires rather than the extremal demands, tend to have a more stable self-esteem, positive affect and well-being ii. It’s not that they people even with intrinsic achievement motivation always perform well, they don’t, but the way they face it and think about it is different. These people do face failures, but they view it as an area that need improvement and work on it. They are disappointed when they face failures but they are not devastated and it does not undermine their high self-esteem. There is a mastery-oriented attribution rather than learned helplessness[i]. Click on the link to know more about mastery oriented approach and learned helplessness.
Here we can talk about fragile and stable high self-esteem. Fragile high self-esteem is having a low implicit self-esteem and high explicit self-esteem; high explicit self-esteem can be thought of as a defensive mask of the underlying insecurities in self-esteem. People with Fragile high self-esteem has their self-worth that is more contingent on external outcomes of qualities that their self-esteem is staked in. On the other hand, stable high self-esteem is seen to be true self-esteem; where there is high explicit and implicit self-esteem; hence more stable[ii].
5 ways to achieve true self-Confidence
Its ok to make mistakes: We are all human, we make mistakes. It is very natural to feel low; but we need not be ashamed or embarrassed; in the long term they can be very harmful to our self-esteem. Instead, we can be disappointed and try again; beating ourselves down; lowers our chances of growth; it’s not the end, there is always scope to try again. We fail to achieve somethings, the goals we set or reach up to expectations; and that’s ok. Mistakes are our stepping stones to success! Be gentle with yourself. We are all fallible human beings, learning to accept that can be very helpful.
Learning from mistakes: It may be disappointing; but make sure to get back up from the disappointment to try again. Learn from them; take a look back at the situation and recognize the mistakes made. Try and correct them, ask for help or support and try to do it better this time.
Attributions: Our explain of the cause behind the events are called Attributions. The causes we attribute to our mistakes will determine how we react to them. If we think, ok this time I couldn’t perform well; because maybe I missed out on certain things that were important or I didn’t put in much effort or didn’t plan this right (internal attribution and specific); we are more likely to think, ok I will try again and correcting my mistakes. But, if I think “I couldn’t perform well, I am so shamed of myself and useless (internal and global); we are more likely to just stop trying, because we feel useless and dumb, hence, see no scope in trying again and succeeding. Change your attribution and the thoughts behind it and we can change our reaction and bring about changes in consequences.
Remember, we can’t always perform well and perfectly; there might be days for whatever reason; that our performance will be average or low and that’s ok. For analogy, what do you do if your plant is drying up; do you scold it and say “god you are useless”; no you water it, if it’s still not showing improvement you give it fertilizers and give it sometime to rejuvenate. The same thing we do with ourselves; we don’t perform well; we say to ourselves its ok, give ourselves sometime, learn from our mistakes, ask for help if needed and try again.
4. Self-affirmations: Self-affirmations are positive phrases we tell ourselves; when feeling low; to remind ourselves of our worth and challenge negative thoughts. They are phrases like I am worthy, I am capable of doing what I set my mind to, I am loved no matter what etc.
5. Self-esteem exercises: There are exercises to increase your confidence. There are self-esteem journals and worksheets that can help you increase your self-esteem. Check the attachments below for some self-esteem worksheets and journals. Check your self-esteem here. In case, your levels of confidence are causing you distress in your daily life; please get help from a Psychologist, therapy can help greatly. You can also contact us, we'll be happy to help. Check out our services page and book a session page.
References:
[i] Laura E. Berk (2006) (Seventh Edition): Child Development, Pearson Education Inc., Boston
[ii] Justin T. Buckingham, Tiffany A Lam, Fernanda C Andrade, Brandon L Boring & Danielle Emery (2018): Reducing contingent self-worth: A defensive response to self-threats, The Journal of Social Psychology.
[i]Jennifer Crocker, Andrew Karpinski, Diane M. Quinn, Sara K. Chase (2003): When Grades Determine Self-Worth: Consequences of Contingent Self-Worth for Male and Female Engineering and Psychology Majors, Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, Pages 507–516
[i] Ahmed M. Abdel-Khalek (2016): INTRODUCTION TO THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SELF-ESTEEM, Nova Science Publishers, Inc.
[ii] Agnieszka Habrat (2018): The Role of Self-Esteem in Foreign Language Learning and Teaching, Springer,
[iii] Mary H. Guindon (2009): Self-Esteem Across the Lifespan: Issues and Interventions, Taylor & Francis, New York
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